Monday, August 04, 2003
Kam’s Column - 04/08/03
Hello again!
I was amazed to read a story in the papers about a man who has been prosecuted for helping people to cheat on their driving theory test. Not the most difficult examination in the world, the theory test was compromised by a driving instructor who allegedly made over £200,000 by communicating with examinees via a mobile phone link. Not only was this wrong, but it also begs a fundamental question - if people can't pass the theory test unaided, should they be allowed on the road at all? Your thoughts please!
I must take this opportunity to offer my apologies to all of our customers who have tried to book their cars in with us over the past week. We're experiencing a (new) upsurge in our business and, combined with a sudden rush of terminal head gasket failures, we are becoming really rather booked up. In fact, some of our customers at Heanor are having to wait three weeks for major engineering works! Let me assure you that we're working as quickly as we can, regular reader, but we can't help it if we are really that popular! Plus, as you know, we refuse to skimp on our thorough approach to problems just to reduce the waiting times...
This week's story is a truly unusual one. Mr Houston (name changed to protect his innocence) was one of the lucky customers who booked their cars into the workshop before the head gasket fever began. His car, a Mercedes S Class had a simple enough sounding problem - the automatic gearbox was periodically jumping from 'Drive' into 'Reverse'. Naturally, I told him to bring it down to the workshop for me to have a look.
Now, I knew that something was up when the Merc arrived - it had obviously had some substantial body modification carried out as the bonnet was dramatically shortened. And I'm not talking about run-into-the-back-of-a-truck shortened either! This had been done properly...
Before Mr Houston picked up one of the last remaining courtesy cars, he turned and grinned at me.
"Just before I leave Kev, I think that you ought to have a look under the bonnet."
"Erm... OK" I'd got no idea why I should need to have a look at an S Class engine to fix a problem with the gearbox, but there was obviously a hidden agenda here, so dutifully I popped the bonnet.
"I don't see what's... Ahh" I said as I looked down. There was no S Class engine in this Mercedes - instead Mr Houston had fitted a heavily modified 5.7-litre Chevrolet Blazer engine into the car.
"Yes, and it's mated to the Blazer 'box as well, Kev. Just thought you'd like to know before you start work!" And with that, he was off, leaving me scratching my head. A Blazer engine, in a Mercedes? Who had ever heard of such a thing!
Not to be dissuaded from the task in hand, I edged the S Class monster into the workshop and started to have a look for all of the obvious things. All of the filters were clean, the 'box oil was good and all of the linkages seemed to be moving freely. Although I'm not an auto 'box expert, I was fairly sure that there was nothing obviously wrong.
Which only left one thing - puzzlement. According to Mr Houston, the gear shifting had only started recently and for no apparent reason. He'd left the car with his wife for a few days while he went on a business trip to Holland and, when he came back, all the problems had started. In the mean time, his wife had only driven a few miles.
While I was standing there looking slightly confused, Glynn came sauntering past and stood next to me with a freshly brewed mug of tea. After a few moments, he pointed to the front of the car.
"You see those tyres, Kev?"
"Yes."
"What can you tell me about them?"
Looking hard at the tyres I thought for a moment. "They're not Stunners" (oh the horror!) "and they are pretty new. In fact, very new." I could still see the shop sticker on one of the treads.
"Exactly."
This left me no further forward, so I had to ask Glynn to explain just what he was on about.
"When the tyres were fitted, the chances are that the garage staff used a jack on the car rather than a lift. And, on something like this, the hard points aren't always that obvious, so certain people would have put the jack on the gearbox itself."
And what do you know? When I got underneath the car, the shroud that covered the 'box was scuffed and dented. Enlisting Glynn's help, it took about an hour to remove all of the shrouding so that we could have a good look - and the problem was then obvious. When the car had been jacked up, the weight of that huge engine and the body of the car resting on the small jack had caused the selector rods to be bent and pushed out of place.
Therefore, every so often, they would collide with the main gear selector and push the stick back into reverse. Simple! With a bit of skilful welding and rod positioning, the massive gearbox was as good as new.
It just goes to show that even a straightforward job like changing tyres has to be handled carefully to avoid any unwanted damage to your car. If only Mr Houston had come to Kam first!
When he came to pick up the car, I told him what we thought had caused the problem.
"I knew it!" He exclaimed. "Kathy had mentioned something about one of the tyres getting slashed and needing replacement. I'll be having words with that garage!"
I took the opportunity to explain to him that if he had had a set of Stunners put on, then he'd be covered against accidental damage as well as vandalism.
"OK, Kev, no need to rub it in!" He laughed.
Well, until next week regular readers, I'll be missing out on the heatwave to get all of your cars repaired!
